Always helping others while your life falls apart

Are You Helping Everyone Else While Your Own Life Falls Apart?

Honestly? That's a lose-lose. The real win is taking care of you first.

We've all been there. We show up for everyone else and completely let ourselves go. I had a client — a teacher — who was already stretched way too thin. No room in her schedule, no extra energy, nothing left in the tank. When her administration asked her to take on one more student, she knew the answer had to be no.

But she said yes anyway.

She knew it, too — that saying yes was going to hurt her and the student in the long run. But so many of us grew up hearing "think of others before yourself," so that's exactly what we do. Here's the thing though: it's actually backwards. When you run yourself into the ground, nobody wins.

If this sounds like your life on repeat, you might be an Enneagram 2 — aka "The Helper." Working with an Enneagram coach can be a total game-changer. You start to figure out when helping actually works for you versus when it's just draining you dry. You learn to put yourself first — not because you're selfish, but because that's the only way you can genuinely show up for others.

Think of it like the oxygen mask on a plane. You can't help anyone if you're passed out in your seat.

It took me years of real work with my own Enneagram coach to actually live this — not just understand it in theory, but live it. And honestly? The difference it's made — for me and for the people I choose to help — has been pretty incredible.

And, my friend, the teacher, just told her principal to find another teacher with smaller classes to take the new student.

Knowing you are an Enneagram 2 and finding the healthier pattern works!

What Enneagram number are you? Let’s find out!

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Hi! I am Paula McCoach of Your Number Matters. As an experienced Enneagram coach & consultant, I specialize in helping others discover their Enneagram number & use their strengths to transform into their best selves. I offer both in-person & online coaching for individuals & groups.

I’ve been actively studying and working with the Enneagram for over 20 years, with a focus in the Riso-Hudson tradition. My journey has included participation in numerous Enneagram retreats, workshops, and trainings aimed at deepening both personal growth and professional application.

Since 2019, I’ve been a member of an advanced monthly Enneagram study group facilitated by certified Enneagram coaches and authors, and I am currently training with a Riso-Hudson Certified Enneagram coach and licensed therapist. I’m also a member of the International Enneagram Association (IEA), where I continue my education through ongoing trainings and community engagement.

My approach integrates psychological insight, somatic awareness, and spiritual development—bringing depth and compassion to individuals and groups seeking transformation through the lens of the Enneagram.

Outside of my Enneagram business, I am a Tutor both privately and with Wright Academics. I tutor in English Language Arts, writing, executive function, as well as in test prep for SAT, ACT and ISEE.