Instinct... What is Yours?

That instant flash of anger or anxiety? It's your instinct's alarm bell.

An automatic pattern running beneath the surface, instincts hijack our responses, causing negative reactions before we realize what's happening. Wouldn't it be powerful to catch yourself in those instinctive moments - to stop those regrettable words or impulsive actions before they escape? Recognizing your instincts creates that essential breathing room to consciously choose how you respond instead of being controlled by reflex.

Everyone has one dominant instinct:

Self-Preservation: Freaks out about comfort, safety, money, health
Example: Messy kitchen = instant stress

One-to-One:  Freaks out about intensity, connection, chemistry
Example: Boring conversation = instant irritation

Social: Freaks out about fitting in, being left out, group vibes
Example: Not invited to lunch = instant hurt

Why it matters?

Once you know YOUR instinct, you realize:

• You're not crazy—your brain just prioritizes different things

• You can fix the real issue instead of arguing about surface stuff

• Other people make sense too (they just have different alarms)

The takeaway: Your reactions aren't random. They're showing you what your system thinks you need to survive.

Take a quick survey to discover your instinct…

Answer the questions in each section below, and note the answer:

There’s one tourist shirt on the rack. You really want it to remember the trip. Do you…

• Grab it for yourself?

• Buy it for your wife, husband or partner?

• Let someone else in the group buy it because you want to do what’s best for the group?

Your spouse or loved one is about to skydive out of a plane… Do you… 

• Run over run over and talk them out of it because you fear for their life?

• Jump out with them to have an intense experience together?

• Encourage them to jump because everyone else in the group is doing it?

When you walk into a party, what is the first thing you focus on there?

• The temperature in the room and the food

• The one person who you want to talk to most of the night

• How to be part of the group
  

Which instinct did you choose?

In each category:

If you answered the first bullet, your instinct is: Self-Preservation

If you answered the second bullet, your instinct is: One-to-One

If you answered the first bullet in each category, your instinct is: Social 

CLICK HERE to book a consultation to learn how to recognize the issues your instincts are causing and balance them while having more control over your reactions.

Hi! I am Paula McCoach of Your Number Matters. As an experienced Enneagram coach & consultant, I specialize in helping others discover their Enneagram number & use their strengths to transform into their best selves. I offer both in-person & online coaching for individuals & groups.

I’ve been actively studying and working with the Enneagram for over 20 years, with a focus in the Riso-Hudson tradition. My journey has included participation in numerous Enneagram retreats, workshops, and trainings aimed at deepening both personal growth and professional application.

Since 2019, I’ve been a member of an advanced monthly Enneagram study group facilitated by certified Enneagram coaches and authors, and I am currently training with a Riso-Hudson Certified Enneagram coach and licensed therapist. I’m also a member of the International Enneagram Association (IEA), where I continue my education through ongoing trainings and community engagement.

My approach integrates psychological insight, somatic awareness, and spiritual development—bringing depth and compassion to individuals and groups seeking transformation through the lens of the Enneagram.

Outside of my Enneagram business, I am a Tutor both privately and with Wright Academics. I tutor in English Language Arts, writing, executive function, as well as in test prep for SAT, ACT and ISEE.